Cancer update #6

Well let’s start with the big headline. My cancer has progressed to stage 4. Now for the time line to the diagnosis.

I was late getting out to my appointment. The doctors office calls 1 minutes after my appointment and asks where I am. I reply a few exits away. She then says you’re in the building? . I said no about 5 minutes away. Parking was a nightmare and I barely made it to the restroom.

I go upstairs to the Great Falls clinic (How’d they know?) and am led back to an office. The nurse takes my vitals and I wait for the doctor.

A med student who’s shadowing my oncologist comes in and takes more vitals. She brings up my radiation doctor named Doctor Chow. I told her he reminded me of the movie Hangover.

Doctor Winer comes in without trying to wine and dine me. So much for his name. He goes over my MRI’s PET’s CT’s and the notes in my file and hits me with the news.

He says there’s no need for an exam today and I said that’s good because I was ready to defend the castle. We discussed the pending treatment plan which starts this Monday and made arrangements for a Medport to be surgically installed in the next few days so my chemo therapy can be done at home. #Convenience.

He tells me booty cancer #2 is at the penile bulb and it trying to invade my penis. And that’s where it all got serious for me. If I wasn’t motivated already to beat the cancer this would have done it. Talk about a moral boost!

This reminds me there’s a lump on my left testicle so I bring that to the doctors attention as well as saying my ass hole feels puffy from shitting all the time. #Diddy. He says he’ll inspect both areas. *After thought* What if every time I fart is really Sean Puffy Colon doing ad libs…

Miss Med Student is in the background and the doc tells me to bend over and pull my pants down. I look back at them and say “I hope neither one of you are werewolves.” #FullMoon. When he asked me to describe how it feels during those times I said “Imagine a girl making duck lips in one of her photos.” Now it’s time for the frontal exam and I attempt modesty by covering everything except the testicle in question. He says he needs to see it all so I oblige and swing it a couple times to drop my balls off my leg. #SweatyBalls. #HelicopterDick. The conclusion is a swollen vein and not testicular cancer. .

Summary. Even with the stage 4 diagnosis ain’t nothing changed. It’s only stage 4 now because there are two spots instead of one. All of my other organs etc are safe. There’s some lymph nodes affected but that falls under stage 3. My cancer is highly receptive to radiation. They will also do chemotherapy which will boost the radiation treatments. Think radiation covering 85% and the chemo boost will cover the other 15%.

I went from stage 2 to stage 3 to stage 4 in less then a months time. The only stage left is “Exit Stage Left” #Snagglepuss. And I ain’t going no where. *Plays Diddy’s Bad Boy For Life* I’m still going to beat this because *Plays All I Do Is Win by DJ Khalid*