June Bug

6/2/22

June marks the start of Summer. Children are getting out of school and enjoying the freedom the next three months provide. It’s a time in every child’s life where they get to be kids full time. Summer is different for me now and it always will be as it marks the start of my cancer symptoms.

Multiple trips to doctors to find out what the hell is wrong with me. Multiple trips to the restroom causing me to leave the work force. Financial issues from the loss of wages. Physical issues from the cancer reaping havoc within my body. Mental issues from the symptoms, the diagnosis, and the ‘treatments’. The magic of Summer has been forever lost, replaced by this disease and everything it destroys.

Songs about Summer hit the airwaves. Summer sales events flood the commercials trying to separate our money from our billfolds and purses. Pools open and white people are sun bathing everywhere. Meanwhile I avoid the Sun due to the damage radiation has caused. I hobble around struggling to simply move about. Children run past me laughing, enjoying their final days of school knowing that soon they will be free as I carry the ball and chain that was meant to heal me. My life has changed since chemotherapy and there’s no turning the clock back. Day light savings being the only savings I have left.

June also marks the day of my next exam. It’s less then a week away. Scans and probes will determine my current status and reveal if the treatment I received was beneficial. As of right now I can only find detrimental results. The underlying question still remains. Was it worth it? We’ll know soon.

June 7th marks my Juneteenth. June 7th will be the start of my Summer. June 7th will lead the way from the stagnant questions festering into more questions with answers. My freedom awaits and although I won’t have immediate answers they’ll arrive about 12 days later putting this issue to bed. I find that appropriate as 12 days lands on June 19 which is also a Sunday. The day God rests will also be the day I put this illness to rest. #RIPCancer